If your little one clings to you like Velcro or bursts into tears the moment you leave the room, you might be in the thick of separation anxiety. It’s exhausting, often emotional, and yes, it can even interfere with bedtime routines. So what causes it, and what can you do to ease the transition?
First things first: this is a completely normal phase of child development. In fact, separation anxiety is a good sign that your child has formed a healthy, secure attachment. But that doesn’t make the tears any easier to manage.
From your baby’s perspective, the thought process often goes something like this:
“Mummy’s not here. That must mean she’s somewhere else. I want to be where she is, and I’m going to make sure everyone knows it.” This behaviour typically begins around 6 to 8 months of age, when your child starts developing something called “object permanence” – so they now understand that things (and people!) still exist even when they can’t see them.
Once this concept clicks, your child may suddenly find it very upsetting when you’re not around. After all, if they can’t see you, how do they know for sure you’re coming back?
Separation anxiety is a sign of growth and development, but that doesn’t mean it’s not a tricky phase to navigate. Here are our top tips to gently guide your child through it with confidence and care.
1. Lead by example
Your child will take cues from your emotional state. If you’re constantly hovering or anxious about being apart, they’ll start to believe they should be nervous too. Try encouraging independent play in a safe space within your home where your little one can explore without you being right beside them.
2. Don’t avoid separations
It might feel easier in the moment to never leave your child’s side, but it won’t help in the long run. Let them experience brief, safe separations so they can learn you always come back. Tears are okay—it’s part of learning that goodbyes don’t mean forever.
3. Take baby steps
Start with short separations before diving into longer ones. Plan a quick coffee run or solo walk while someone trustworthy stays with your child. Gradual exposure builds trust and helps minimise distress over time.
4. Choose familiar caregivers
Try leaving your little one with someone they already know and feel comfortable around—like a grandparent or close friend. Familiarity brings a sense of safety, making the separation less intimidating.
5. Ease into it together
When a caregiver arrives, hang out together for 20 to 30 minutes. Seeing you interact positively with this person shows your child that they’re safe and trusted. It builds a bridge of confidence between you, your child, and the caregiver.
6. Avoid sneaking out
As tempting as it might be to slip away unnoticed to avoid tears, this can actually make things worse. It’s important for your child to see that you’re leaving and that you always return. It builds predictability and security.
7. Create a goodbye ritual
A consistent farewell routine can offer comfort and structure. A quick hug, a special phrase, or a wave at the door helps your child understand that this is part of the day. Try not to drag out the goodbye—prolonging it can heighten anxiety rather than ease it.
8. Use language they understand
Instead of saying, “I’ll be back in two hours,” anchor your return in familiar parts of their day: “I’ll be home after your nap,” or “I’ll see you before dinner.” This helps them grasp the timeline in a way that makes sense to them.
While you can’t prevent every teary goodbye, these gentle strategies can help your little one feel more secure during times apart. It’s a learning curve, but one that gets easier with time, consistency, and patience. It’s also important to note that these tips are intended for managing typical, age-appropriate separation anxiety. If your little one’s anxiety seems excessive or persistent, or if it interferes with daily functioning, it may be time to speak to your GP or health visitor about the possibility of Separation Anxiety Disorder.
For most families though, separation anxiety is a temporary phase, one that your little one will grow through with your steady support. Be consistent, be calm, and most of all, be reassuring. Eventually, those tearful goodbyes will turn into cheerful waves.
If you’re finding that separation anxiety is affecting your child’s sleep, reach out for a free 15-minute chat.
